Nash's Social Side....or Lack Of

Nash has never been my social butterfly. Were he lacks in social his older brother makes up for it and has claimed the socialite title between the two. However at appointments with teachers, OT, Speech and now at Childrens Hospital Autism Center when answering questions about his social behavior I was always torn. He was a very affectionate baby, sometimes a good hug or sitting with me or Dad would be the only things to calm him down. Thinking about his social habits I was never very concerned until this past year. While he wouldn't play with other kids that was the only major red flag we had when it came to his social behavior, or so I thought. He exhibited signs like typical children, shy, quiet and so on and I always thought he would outgrow that.

Nash is going on 4 this year and he has been working really hard at school on social behavior. The teachers take care to stop and make eye contact (even if having to physically turn the child to make eye contact, or move themselves into there line of sight) and to acknowledge when someone is talking to you, even with a simple "bye". Playing in social groups with other children is also a daily "chore" for Nash and most of his classmates. Nash has learned to actualy enjoy playing side by side, while not necessarily WITH other children much yet side by side I am told is a good start. He will also play WITH his brother and good family friends so this is a big step as well. In other areas for social, such as making eye contact...that is hard for Nash still. I am an avid photographer, took some classes in high-school and collage but mostly self taught. Recently while organizing some photos some more than 2 years old I noticed a pretty telling sign that kept coming up in the photos of Nash. He wouldn't even look at me or the camera, he always has his head to the side looking at something else when I ask him to smile or was taking his picture. If his head wasn't to the side physically his eyes were. This is probably 99% of the time I noticed.

This is the first time I realized he is "learning" to be social (which I have heard you cant teach someone how to be social) which maybe true I dont know, but I am guessing that with kids like Nash who needs major prompts and pretty much told what he needs to do he is only doing it because he is (for lack of a better word) being trained to do it. I honestly dont know if saying "Nash say hello to Grandma" is good for Nash but lets be honest I do it to help the other person he is NOT saying hello or even acknowledging is there, so they feel better or better yet make myself feel better about trying to make them feel better. If you *get* this statement you will *get it*, no real explaining it other than that. So after all that it just hit me the other day he is being social but most of the time he is not genuine in it. That was hard to realize, maybe the "genuine" part will come easier to him as he gets older. Maybe it wont.

There is a small handful of people Nash will be genuinely social with and even then, he is not *ON* 100% its hit or miss.As part of this inner circle of his "peeps" I jokingly call it, I get torn as mentioned at the start of this post, because I see the sweet social child that is my own, but I know its through mommy eyes that I see this. Its been a long time since he has accepted anyone new into this world were he lets people see that side of him. He has recently started to open up to some of the teachers at school. I dont get to see this very often but they will tell me sometimes of conversations Nash will have with them every so often and its those that tells me he is starting to let them in and he is starting to feel comfortable sharing things with them. He has 8 teachers at school and I believe so far we have at least 3 (working on a 4th) he is "ok" with...not great, but its a start. If there are new teachers substituting for a day he gets quiet, he watches them. He will still participate which is great, a year ago he would of shut down at the sight of a new person in the room with him and climbed under a table to play with toys. So its those milestones I see and know he is learning so much at this school and know we made the right choice. Even if he is doing things I guess because he is told to do them, at least he is doing them right?! Its a start :)